black sheep

Every family has one. Someone who is just different, who doesn't seem to fit, the black sheep if you will. I am that sheep in my family, the black one. I realize that this has a negative connotation to it but bear with me. This weekend Adam and i went camping. We invited my mom and her family. We left friday set up camp then picked the boys and my sister up from school and headed out. My mom had to work saturday so her husband was going to come out and set up the tent saturday morning then they would all come out after she got off work at 7. They were bringing more fire wood. This is important. So 9 o'clock rolls around, then 10 o'clock. The kids give up and go to bed. Adam had a headache and went to bed. So there I was sitting around a pathetic onelogkindasmoldering camp fire by myself. I went to bed. As soon as I got all snuggled into the covers I saw headlights and heard my moms voice. Up I got. Here comes the black sheep part.

She is by herself, no husband, no son, no son's creepy friend. There was a fight with inevitably no winner just hurt all around. Next pulls up Jed, step dads best friend, a very drunk step dad, another friend of theirs and my brother. They pile out and from that moment on the weekend was just pretty sucky. The weather even got worse. There were many drunk men, much discussion about sex, both persuasions, more drugs and just plain stupidity. I love my family but I just don't know how I came from them. I have never felt like I fit in. Being different is hard.

I guess it boils down to being in the world but not of it. I have been struggling with this concept since forever. How do i have meaningful relationships with my family but not get inmeshed in the drama and other stuff? I have not been good at it and I don't know that I ever will be. My current dilema is that now my kids are exposed to it. Is that good bad indifferent? I can't decide. I know that they are aware of more than i probably give them credit for, especially isaac. How do I deal with that? I don't want them to get the idea that their grandparents and stuff are bad. I definately don't want them to ever say anything along those lines to their relatives. I know that there must be other people who deal with this. I am in need of good sound wisdom, more patience and a large billy club.

Congrats on making it through my rambling thoughts tonight. i am still chewing on the situation and how i should respond. My mom and I have an odd relationship in that she asks me for advice on what to do in certain situations. I never know what to say. I always feel a bit akward.

We lost

for all four of my faithful blog readers we lost our house. although this house had been on the market for nearly a year in the same weekend some other more fortunate person put on offer on it to. And we lost. No walk in closet, fenced front yard, built in hutch, island with pot hanging from the ceiling thingy. Nope none of that for me, at least not yet. We are still looking. We found another couple options so if you would keep us in your prayers that would be wonderful! Losing sucks.

wooohooo

i coached Andrews soccer team this spring. I enjoyed definately learned a ton and would enjoy doing it again. Of course we had our ups and downs. one kid i suspect has a mild form of autism such as asbergers. he would always say see ya later gator. to which i was to respond after a while crocodile and he would say toodles noodles and run to his dad. if i didn't we would have to say goodbye again.

today was our last game and our party. each kiddo got a trophy and i got a huge water bottle. the kind thats in the shape of one of those water cooler jugs. i also got chocolate covered coffee beans and a $40 gift certificate to starbucks. just incase you didn't catch that i said $40. I couldn't believe it! Woohoo.

it was such a great surprise gift. We're waiting to hear but if all goes well i'm getting a house on mothers day! i've never been so impatient in my life. Call already and accept our offer!!